Tips on a Happy Marriage for Working Moms

Tips on a Happy Marriage for Working MomsTips on a Happy Marriage for Working MomsAfter working all day, feeding the family, cleaning the kitchen and putting the kids to bed, the last thing on your mind is how to build a happy marriage. But a happy marriage is the foundation for your familys well-being. It deserves your attention. If you take a few minutes every day to focus on keeping your marriage happy, everyone will be better off including you. Date Night Works Its the oldest piece of advice for a reason date night really helps keep your marriage happy. You dont need to have a standing babysitter every Friday night, like Barack and Michelle Obama, but you must devote one-on-one time to your spouse on a regular basis. The work of raising children and supporting a family is all consuming. Its easy for your marriage to become an afterthought. When you have a regular time set aside, youre forced to build that connection. If youre concerned about the cost of child care for a wee kly date night, get creative. Can you ask a neighbor to sit in your house during the kids nap on Saturday afternoon so you can get out for coffee as a couple? Or consider having a regular date morning breakfast after the kids get on the school bus. You can negotiate flexible hours at work to accommodate arriving an hour late. As a bonus, youll be alert and fresh. You may even find conversation flows more easily and you have more energy for your spouse compared with dinner at the end of a long week. Think of Your Spouse First Imagine if every morning you woke up asking, How can I make my husbands day as special and wonderful as possible? And if he woke asking the same question? Youd be guaranteed a happy marriage. Now I realize thats not a realistic daily occurrence. We so often wake up thinking, Is it my turn to bring snack for soccer practice? But if you at least try to put your spouse or partener first, and he does the same for you, youll be a step ahead. And those times when you each think of the other first? Its as beautiful a moment as reading a classic O. Henry story. Communicate With Words A happy marriage would be simple if we all could read minds. Unfortunately, my husband communicates best by hearing words that I speak. Im betting yours does too. Dont expect your spouse to guess why youre upset or to know what will help you. You have to ask for what you need, whether its time alone or a big hug or for him to pick up his dirty socks from the floor. Trust me, hell thank you for spelling out the solution to your badeanstalt mood. He loves you more than anyone in the world he wants to fix the problem. When you ask for what you need, whether its emotional support or household chores, it helps to use the manners mama taught you. The same request comes off very differently if its done with a smile and a hug, as opposed to a whiny tone or angry face. Say Thank You and Sorry And while Im on the topic, many a marriage has been saved by a well-tim ed apology. Even if you dont think you did anything wrong, cant you honestly say that youre sorry to see your spouse so upset? When your partner is furious or hurt, the most important thing is to hear his anger. Dont get defensive and launch into explanations. Let him know you are listening by giving the gift of empathy. It wont kill you to say Im sorry, and it may just take the wind out of his sails. Certainly, it allows him to admit he might have been in the wrong also. And when your husband does something special for you, even if you had to ask for it, make sure to say thank you. There are other much-appreciated ways to reward a man, so consider one of those too. Touch Each Other That brings us to the bedroom. Yes, a fulfilling sex life is an integral part of many happy marriages. But just as important are the hugs, kisses and casual touches that remind you of the time when you met and fell in love. Before kids, before the mortgage, before the bills. When youre raising babies and young children, their physical demands can be exhausting, especially for moms. So you need to make a conscious decision to save some energy for a physical connection with your husband too even if it means leaving the laundry or the email or the thank you notes for another day. You may not be in the mood. You may feel uncomfortable with your post-baby body. But if you start to let your sex life slide, you can quickly become little more than roommates with the man who was once the love of your life. And you may find that once you start feeling romantic and enjoying intimacy again, you tap into your pre-mommyhood libido. Assume Good Intentions Our society is so focused on grievance and complaint. Its easy to develop a narrative in your head about what your spouse has done wrong and how to put upon you are. Keeping mental lists of wrongdoing is a sure recipe for drama and turbulence in your home. Instead, try to think of a positive reason that he might have for acting the way he did. Maybe he forgot to pick up the kids at daycare because he was working hard to support your family. Maybe he ignored your mother-in-laws nasty comment about working moms because he didnt hear it. Maybe he was going to get to the dirty dishes in the sink after the kids were asleep, and then he got distracted by the bills. Your made-up explanation may not be the right one, but thinking through the alternatives gives you space to imagine that there are valid reasons for his actions. The next step ask him what was going on. You can even have the conversation on date night